1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:05,204
[sam's voice] I'm very sorry
for the church debacle
2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:07,071
and I hope everyone
can forgive me.
3
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:08,673
still I cannot
participate in something
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,042
I know in my heart
is the wrong choice.
5
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:13,312
In the novel
crime and punishment,
6
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:15,414
The protagonist, raskolnikov,
7
00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:17,916
Proposes there are
Two types of men,
8
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,552
The ordinary and
The extraordinary.
9
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:24,456
Raskolnikov's theory was that
If one were extraordinary,
10
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:28,560
As he saw himself, then one
Was exempt from punishment.
11
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:33,465
So, what conclusion can we draw
From his ultimate incarceration?
12
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,633
Miss julian.
13
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:35,967
He was weak.
14
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,469
Had he held out longer,
15
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,904
He and his little harlot
Could have lived blissfully
16
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,073
In a homey dacha
By the black sea.
17
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,143
Believe me,
Prison was avoidable.
18
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,811
That's one perspective,
Miss julian.
19
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,380
Thank you.
20
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:49,748
But consider this:
21
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:52,284
Throughout the novel,
As raskolnikov
22
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,554
Attempts to cover up his tracks,
23
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,122
One lie leads to another
24
00:00:58,191 --> 00:01:01,527
Until the emotional burden
Is too much to bear.
25
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,762
He is left no recourse
26
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:07,366
But to confess his crime
And thus disprove his theory.
27
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:10,101
Dostoyevsky is saying
28
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:14,906
That ultimately we all
Must pay for our crimes.
29
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:18,643
Nothing in life
Goes unpunished, babies.
30
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:19,945
[bell rings]
31
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,187
Okay. Where is she?
Drop the charade.
32
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,322
I know one of you
Is hiding sam.
33
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,591
What are you
Babbling about, brooke?
34
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:37,829
You really don't have any idea
What I'm talking about, do you?
35
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,466
Sam's missing.
[carmen] Missing?
36
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,135
Brooke, I think she just
Skipped first period.
37
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:48,239
Yeah, I think it's a little soon
To send out a search party.
Maybe not.
38
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:51,943
Um, jane and my dad
Don't know yet, but...
39
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:57,416
Sam's run away. Do you have
Any idea where she might be?
40
00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:58,917
No.
41
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,385
Oh, my god.
42
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,568
Yeah, that's good
Right there.
Okay.
43
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:20,038
Just tilt it down
A little bit to the left.
Mm-hmm.
44
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:21,873
Just a little bit more.
45
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:25,910
Bring this point down
A little bit like that. Yeah.
46
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,247
Just bring this part up.
Just a little bit.
47
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:32,517
Excuse me.
Are you brooke mcqueen's mother?
48
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,895
♪ think it over once or twice ♪
49
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:46,398
♪ what lasts
the longest in this life ♪
50
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:50,669
♪ character
or rock-hard thighs ♪
51
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,171
♪ in the end do you believe ♪
52
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,574
♪ that beauty lies
in what you see ♪
53
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,642
♪ 'cause if you do,
then, baby ♪
54
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,678
♪ you've been deceived ♪
55
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:02,346
♪ well, me and b ♪
56
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:06,351
♪ we hate supermodels ♪
57
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:15,661
♪ it's just that I'm tired
of being compared ♪
58
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:25,904
Excuse me?
59
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,206
Are you brooke mcqueen's mother?
60
00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,241
I have no idea what
You're talking about.
61
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:44,389
Brooke mcqueen, daughter of
Mike and kelly mcqueen.
62
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:48,627
I've done my homework,
Miss foster, so don't deny it.
63
00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:50,562
Young lady, just who are you?
64
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,897
I'm about to become unwillingly
Hitched to your daughter.
65
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,834
You're the only one
Capable of stopping it.
66
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,437
In that case,
Let me help you.
67
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,573
Where are you taking me?
68
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,174
To the methadone clinic.
69
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:05,611
Look, I'm not on drugs.
70
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,613
I know you're brooke's mother.
I've done internet research.
71
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,015
At last, a y2k glitch.
72
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:14,453
All I know is that kelly,
A photographer,
73
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,821
Left mike and brooke in l.A.
74
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:19,591
And ran off with
Her rich boss, ron foster,
75
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,360
To northern california.
76
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:24,930
You're the only photo gallery
Owner living in the bay area
77
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:28,166
Who happens to be
Named kelly foster.
78
00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:32,270
Hmm. Good job.
Couple of holes.
79
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:33,605
Such as?
80
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:34,606
I'm single.
81
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,108
Up until last year,
I lived in new york.
82
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,511
I've never dated
Anyone named ron,
83
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:40,845
Let alone married them.
84
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,848
Foster is my maiden name,
And unless I was very drunk,
85
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,217
I've never slept with anyone
Named mike mccafferty.
86
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,887
It's mcqueen.
87
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,323
So you don't have any kids?
88
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,325
I'm not the mother type.
89
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:56,527
Anything else?
90
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,964
I was so sure you were it.
91
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,667
Sorry.
92
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:08,006
And I'm sorry that
I can't help you.
93
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:17,616
Josh, I gots us the perfect
Crime. It needs no punishment.
94
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:20,251
You know caesar crouton's
Breasts and thighs?
95
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,822
Yeah, it's that trashy strip
Club with the full-on lap dance.
96
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:26,424
And a tasty three-piece
Rotisserie chicken combo.
97
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,527
Yeah. Well, I'm down
With the bouncer, man.
98
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,562
My boy got moved
To the day shift.
99
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,832
All we need's a couple
Fake I.D.S and we are in.
100
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:34,833
Nice!
101
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,134
Did you hear that?
102
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:39,103
A lap dance and a delicious
Chicken lunch to boot.
103
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,707
I propose we cross
The social divide and join them.
104
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,008
Are you crazy? Emory,
We'll get busted for skipping.
105
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:47,045
Easily avoidable with one
Of my patented excuse notes.
106
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:50,749
Um, sorry,
But I think I'm just cursed
To be the ordinary man.
107
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,784
Poppycock, captain!
108
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,354
A little of
Dostoyevsky's uber-mensch
Exists within us all.
109
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,255
You just need
Your flame fanned.
110
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:58,757
Look. You heard miss ross.
111
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,192
Even that rasta-la-la-la guy
Couldn't cut it.
112
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:04,162
That centuries old tome
No longer has any relevance.
113
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,931
One need only examine,
Uh, woody allen's
114
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,933
Much appreciated
20th-century remake
115
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,268
crimes and misdemeanors.
116
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,303
Well, in the film,
117
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,106
Martin landau plays a very
Successful ophthalmologist
118
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,941
Who murders a former flame
119
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:21,412
And then goes on to lead a
Completely guilt-free existence.
120
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,683
Trust me, captain.
121
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:28,086
You too can be that
Successful ophthalmologist.
122
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:30,755
Mr. Daddy,
I have a proposal.
123
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,193
[brooke] But you're the one
That she went to.
124
00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:38,629
She didn't give you any clue
As to where she would go?
125
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:41,466
Can't you see what's
Going on here? She's bluffing.
126
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,234
What if she isn't?
127
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:46,337
I can't risk it.
I have to tell my parents.
128
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:47,672
[sighs]
129
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,409
Okay. You're right.
You're right.
130
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:53,544
And while you're at it, you'd
Better call off the shower.
131
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,981
Maybe even bring
The police into it.
132
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,417
Start this irreversible
Tide of panic. Ruin the wedding.
133
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:02,754
And play right into spam's
Cold, unmoisturized hands.
134
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,524
If you want
The wedding to go on,
135
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,692
You just act like
Nothing's happened.
136
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,161
You really just think
That she's bluffing?
137
00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,232
Honey, by sundown,
Her and her heinous '80s bangs
138
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,567
Are gonna be home
Diggin' in haagen-dazs
139
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:19,170
While her lithium prescription's
Being filled.
140
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,905
What about jane's shower?
141
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:23,274
Just make sure
The preparations
Go smoothly. Okay?
142
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,910
Nothing's gonna get
To sam more than coming home
143
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:29,147
To a martha stewartesque
Bridal shower and finding
She hasn't been missed.
144
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,683
And just remember, b,
You can't let her win.
145
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,918
You've got
Too much at stake.
Yeah.
146
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,220
Gentlemen,
147
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,988
Another adolescent milestone
Has been reached.
148
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,357
I am proud to present you
With your first
149
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:41,793
False identification card,
Crafted today
150
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,327
In second period
Computer lab.
151
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,896
Here you are.
152
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,697
Yeah!
Yeah.
153
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,869
Hey. Harrison.
154
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,337
- have you seen sam?
- today?
155
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,072
No. No.
Is something wrong?
156
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,374
Well...
Shh!
157
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:57,676
No. Nothing's wrong.
158
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:58,676
Good.
159
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,348
Yo, he's the bomb!
160
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:05,884
I am impressed, emory.
161
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,886
Do I look like a phil goldfarb?
162
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,921
- oh, yeah.
- okay. Then let's do it.
163
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:14,592
Remember, the secret to
Underage passing is being cool.
164
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:17,361
So be...
165
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,863
Cool.
166
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,031
♪ horny, horny ♪
167
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,033
♪ gee, I'm horny ♪
168
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,236
♪ horny cool boys ♪
169
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,539
♪ I need a stripper
or I'll pop my zipper ♪
170
00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:32,110
♪ wacky, horny cool boys ♪
171
00:08:38,484 --> 00:08:40,719
[man]
I.D.S, gentlemen.
172
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:47,526
Ah. Okay.
Let's see who we got here.
173
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,360
Mr. Ryan murphy.
174
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,163
Ah, phil goldfarb.
175
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,365
Mr. Robin.
176
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:57,769
That's dr. Robin, d.D.S.
177
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,170
Doctor? Huh.
178
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,872
And, uh, mr. Shatner.
179
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,107
Captain shatner.
180
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,043
Well, captain,
You and your crew,
181
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,645
You can just go home.
182
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,711
What?
183
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,113
[josh]
Look, we're just here
184
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,481
For the chicken, all right?
185
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,450
Okay, I don't
Need this business,
186
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,418
So I'm gonna call the cops.
187
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,120
Why you gotta be like that?
188
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:19,323
You been hangin' out
At this door since you were 12.
189
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,760
I know how old you are.
190
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,428
How you gonna try
To play me like that?
191
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,463
Are you retarded?
192
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:27,198
No.
193
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,399
I'm a dentist.
194
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,635
I have proof.
Isn't this good enough?
195
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,771
No, baby.
This is how it goes down.
196
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,506
You get busted,
Then it's my ass.
197
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:39,643
Man, nobody's gonna bust a strip
Club in the middle of the day.
198
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,379
Ah, tell you what.
199
00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:45,149
You come back with an adult
With a real I.D.
200
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:48,286
Who doesn't mind
Putting his ass on the line.
201
00:09:48,354 --> 00:09:50,989
Then, hey, fine.
I'll let you all in.
202
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,657
Where we gonna find
Someone like that?
Well, sug,
203
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,660
Why don't you try
One of your daddies?
204
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,396
[chuckles]
205
00:09:58,464 --> 00:09:59,931
in addition to announcing
206
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,600
that a prenuptial agreement
has been reached,
207
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,601
cherry cherry said
in a statement today
208
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,504
that she is pleased that
erik estrada is, her words,
209
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:09,040
"Potent and virile,"
and that she expects,
210
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,742
after years of emptiness,
to rear her first child.
211
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,414
Well, it's official.
212
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:18,783
That hollywood phony
Has brainwashed my mama.
213
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:21,052
I'm nothin' but
A faint memory.
214
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,355
Faint? You're more
Like that kennedy kid
They stuck in the attic.
215
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:27,558
To the world,
You don't even exist.
216
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:31,362
This is a crime.
Like that "Rastakolinstine."
217
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,331
Well, if that's the case,
Mary cherry,
218
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,566
Then your course of action
Is quite clear.
219
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,138
That crime
Needs to be punished.
220
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,343
Hmm.
221
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,888
[chattering]
222
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:30,821
[door shuts]
223
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,725
What do you think you're doing?
224
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:42,901
What are you doing?
225
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,035
I'm looking for proof.
226
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,838
You may not admit it,
But I know who you are,
227
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,741
Even if you have managed
To eradicate all the evidence.
228
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,343
I want you out,
Or I'm gonna have you arrested.
229
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,513
No. This is your life.
230
00:11:55,581 --> 00:11:57,082
This is the daughter
You abandoned.
231
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:59,783
The daughter
You're about to lose again
232
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,386
If this marriage happens.
233
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,054
Take a good look.
234
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,192
You two definitely swim
In the same gene pool.
235
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,794
I have no idea
Who this person is.
236
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,631
And I'm calling the cops
If you don't leave.
237
00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:15,366
Wow.
238
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,535
Now, there's really
No denying it.
239
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:20,404
That cool and controlled
Icy thing you just did?
240
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,074
Your daughter's
Got that down in spades.
241
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,948
Hey.
242
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:31,315
Your picture.
243
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,517
Keep it.
244
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:44,328
No one has seen her all day.
We have checked everywhere.
245
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:47,332
Cranky's, mr. Cluck's,
Even her father's grave.
246
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:51,169
I see.
Well, I wouldn't worry.
247
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:54,638
Nic seems to think that sam's
Trying to make some statement.
248
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:58,442
Based on my own experience,
I'd have to agree.
249
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:01,245
She's been gone,
Like, ten hours already.
250
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,782
Isn't it a police thing that
You have to be missing 48 hours
251
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:06,284
Before they start a search?
252
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,753
Brooke, do you really
Think it is a good idea
253
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:11,755
To just keep
Watching the clock?
254
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:13,257
Shouldn't we tell someone?
255
00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:16,294
No. I will not let sam
Ruin this wedding.
256
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:19,630
We are going to carry on
Like nothing has happened
257
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:22,266
And make this the best
Bridal shower in history.
258
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:25,336
Okay? That way, when she shows
Up, tail between her legs,
259
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,671
No one is the wiser.
260
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:31,142
You know what?
I think brooke might be right.
261
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,944
If we go spouting off,
262
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,980
She's gonna get in more trouble
When she does come home.
263
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,381
[brooke] Right.
264
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,482
She'll thank us.
265
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,718
Hey, girls.
266
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:44,956
Oh, everything looks beautiful.
267
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:46,424
Where's sam?
268
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:50,394
Something wrong?
269
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,495
[carmen]
Ms. Mcpherson,
270
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,731
We have something
We need to tell you.
271
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,366
Sam...
Decided
272
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,702
To spend the night
At harrison's,
273
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,537
And she wanted us
To tell you.
274
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:01,005
That's all.
275
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:07,478
Don't worry.
She'll show up for the shower,
And everything will be perfect.
276
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,014
Good.
277
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:13,517
Thank you, girls,
For everything.
278
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,153
I really appreciate the help.
279
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,287
Our pleasure.
No problem.
280
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,940
[line rings]
281
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:39,143
hey, it's lily.
please leave a message. [beeps]
282
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,145
Hey, lil, it's sam.
283
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:44,882
Look, I'm okay. I just
Wanted to hear a friendly voice.
284
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:47,385
Please don't say anything
To my mom.
285
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:52,156
I don't want her to worry
Any more than she needs to.
286
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,493
Hey, every girl needs an
Adventure now and then, right?
287
00:14:57,263 --> 00:14:59,330
I'll call you soon.
288
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,066
I'm okay.
Sort of.
289
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:17,147
Yo, we can't be givin' up now.
290
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:20,251
I'm a horny teenage boy.
291
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,652
And I have needs!
292
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:24,655
Perhaps there's a faculty member
We could approach.
293
00:15:24,724 --> 00:15:27,090
Yeah, I'm sure bobbi glass
Is just itchin'
294
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:29,827
To take four teenage boys
To a strip club.
295
00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:32,263
No, see,
That won't work.
296
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,632
Troy told me
She's banned... For life.
297
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,166
[laughing]
298
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,601
[brooke]
Josh.
299
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,271
Hi. Look,
I need to ask you a favor.
300
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:44,742
I need to get my dad out of
The house for the bridal shower.
301
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:49,080
I thought maybe you guys could
Throw him a bachelor party.
302
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,481
Tonight.
303
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,917
I'm only 16, I don't know
How to throw a bachelor party.
304
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:55,686
Luckily I do.
305
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:56,687
[harrison]
That's right.
306
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:57,788
That's right. That's right.
307
00:15:57,857 --> 00:16:00,325
Come on, mr. Goldfarb.
308
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:04,195
Entertaining a bachelor, a fully
Grown adult male bachelor
309
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:05,363
Shouldn't be so difficult.
310
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,498
- yeah.
- [sugar] You know, he's right.
311
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:08,932
We can handle it, boo.
312
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:14,339
We're gonna show your pops
A night to remember.
313
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,175
Brooke.
There's been
A development.
314
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,210
Thank you.
315
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:23,314
Yeah!
Whoo!
316
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:27,418
[sam] I'll call you soon.
I'm okay. Sort of.
317
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,987
Okay, this is good.
318
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:32,390
She said, "I'm okay, don't say
Anything to my mom." see?
319
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:34,592
No, she said, "I'm okay, sorta."
320
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,627
It's the "Sorta"
That gives me pause.
321
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:40,364
Oh, my god, this is not good.
This is not good at all.
322
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,532
Carmen, what's wrong?
323
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,801
Don't you see?
The "Sorta" is a sign
324
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:47,705
To let us know that she can hear
That sewing machine working.
325
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:50,674
What? Why is she near
A sewing machine?
326
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,544
Her psycho kidnapper wants
To turn her into a man vest.
327
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,513
Oh, sweet mother
328
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:59,183
Of hannibal lecter,
I can see it so clearly now.
329
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,518
What are you seeing?
330
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,553
Sam...
331
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,524
Moisturizing.
332
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,592
[thunderclap]
333
00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,762
I want my mommy.
334
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:14,098
[sobbing]
335
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:17,701
It's not even the kind
With the sunscreen additive.
336
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,770
It puts the lotion
In the basket.
337
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:22,973
No.
338
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,975
No, I want out of here!
339
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,613
I wanna have lunch at
The cafeteria with my friends.
340
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:30,348
I want a fruit roll-up.
341
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:34,418
It puts the lotion
In the basket.
[barking]
342
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,521
Shut up, precious,
You stupid bitch!
343
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,522
Shut...
344
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,891
Good. Good.
345
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,461
[sobbing]
346
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:49,299
I was with you until
The fruit roll-ups part.
347
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,636
[brooke]
Okay, guys. Enough with
The doom and freak-out gloom.
348
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:56,440
We go on and wait
For her to call,
Which she said she'd do.
349
00:17:56,509 --> 00:18:00,177
We demand that
She show up for the shower,
Or we threaten to bust her.
350
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,212
She'll have
No choice but to show up.
351
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:04,047
I know it.
352
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,588
I cannot believe this crap.
353
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,624
I thought for sure my tattoo
Of the notorious b.I.G.
354
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,293
Would get me some attention.
355
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:16,560
Look at it.
356
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,329
Shocking.
357
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:21,099
I know. Guess what my mama said
When she saw it.
358
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:22,900
She said,
"Here's one for my homies."
359
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:26,504
Then dumped a sip of her colt
.45 malt liquor on the ground.
360
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:29,873
So much for my devious scheme of
Becoming a lady gangster bitch
361
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,575
Like foxy brown
Or missy misdemeanor
362
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,577
To get some attention
Around that house.
363
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,946
You're trying to punish
Your mother, not yourself.
364
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:37,815
So what?
365
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,149
I'll just become engaged
366
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:42,186
To an even bigger star
Than erik estrada
367
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:43,688
And deny mama's existence.
368
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:47,458
Lee majors, the fall guy.
369
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,826
Ooh!
370
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,228
[belch]
371
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,373
Wanda rickets,
What are you doing?
372
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,442
Cleanin' my pits.
373
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:07,978
You do realize
You're not enrolled
At this school, don't you?
374
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:12,550
I been livin' here
Ever since I ran away
From home and the sanitarium.
375
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:14,118
I like bathroom supplies.
376
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,354
Okay, well,
Personal hygiene aside, wanda,
377
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:18,722
This can't be very sanitary
For us, okay?
378
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:22,693
So we're gonna have to
Ask that you go, hon.
I can't. Not now.
379
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:26,196
I'm addicted to that blue toilet
Bowl cleaner sanitizer stuff,
380
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,065
Mr. Fresh bowl.
381
00:19:28,133 --> 00:19:31,669
I'm a john junkie
And proud of it.
382
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,650
How did you afford all of this?
383
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,819
[wanda]
My job.
384
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,253
A shameful job.
385
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,923
One so shameful,
My parents and the entire
386
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,993
Tupelo city government have
Banned me from ever returning.
387
00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:58,228
How shameful?
I live in exile.
388
00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,897
One foot in the gutter
389
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:02,866
And the other tramplin' all over
My parents' broken hearts.
390
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,101
I'm filthy.
391
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:06,303
Filthy rich.
392
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:09,940
What is it exactly you do?
393
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,275
I'm teen trash.
394
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,076
[gasps]
395
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:17,314
Is there any way that I,
Mary cherry,
396
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,650
Could also become filthy
Teen trash like yourself
397
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:20,751
And punish my mama?
398
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,252
I'll tell you what.
399
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,588
Give me a cake
Of mr. Fresh bowl
400
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,290
Before I start
Getting withdrawals,
401
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,627
And maybe this birdie here
Will sing her pretty whore tune.
402
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,380
Hey.
403
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:53,016
Wake up.
404
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:56,854
Bad night, huh?
405
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:00,424
Me, too.
406
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,632
Look, why don't you
Come inside.
407
00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:12,470
We'll split some lunch
Over girl talk.
408
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,841
What is there
To talk about anymore?
409
00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:21,912
Actually, a lot.
410
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,383
I am brooke's mother.
411
00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:41,999
Let me show you guys the house.
It's really terrific.
412
00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:45,969
Hi.
413
00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:47,905
Okay, guys.
Don't panic.
414
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,440
We just have to think
This thing through clearly.
415
00:21:50,509 --> 00:21:54,377
I don't know, brooke. Seems like
The perfect time to panic to me.
416
00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:56,213
The shower's
Already started.
417
00:21:56,281 --> 00:21:58,682
Sam hasn't called yet,
Which leads me to believe
418
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,151
She's on her way
To becoming a man vest.
419
00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:03,754
Don't you think it's time
We throw ourselves
420
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,656
On the mercy of the court?
421
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:06,757
No.
422
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,692
Guys, remember,
If raskolnikov--
423
00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:12,496
Hi-- held out a bit longer,
He would have been fine.
424
00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:15,365
But no, he did not stick
To his convictions
425
00:22:15,434 --> 00:22:18,101
And thus spent the rest
Of his life in prison.
426
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:21,204
Trust me.
We cannot turn back now.
427
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:24,374
This is what we do.
We have to stall.
428
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:27,211
We have to find a way
To get through the shower
429
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:29,446
Without jane ever realizing
That sam isn't here.
430
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,352
Sam's a journalist, right?
431
00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:36,354
Yeah.
432
00:22:36,422 --> 00:22:37,888
Does she tape her interviews?
433
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:41,458
Yeah.
434
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:43,060
Hmm.
435
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:49,567
Who took this picture?
436
00:22:49,635 --> 00:22:50,868
[kelly]
It's anonymous.
437
00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:54,572
I bought it at an auction.
Only thing I know is its title.
438
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,306
"Mother and child."
439
00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:57,908
I guess you're
Always drawn
440
00:22:57,977 --> 00:23:00,944
To things
That are a mystery to you.
441
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:10,087
Thanks.
442
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:13,758
Sam, I'm sorry I lied to you.
443
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:18,896
Can't run away forever
And not expect to be caught.
444
00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:20,598
You're about
To lose your daughter.
445
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:22,532
Again.
You can change that.
446
00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:24,168
You have to.
447
00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:31,241
It wouldn't do brooke any good.
448
00:23:35,648 --> 00:23:38,215
There was a reason
Why I left.
449
00:23:39,585 --> 00:23:42,119
I'd had a very
Unhappy childhood.
450
00:23:43,723 --> 00:23:48,058
When brooke was born,
I really thought that
I could be different.
451
00:23:49,495 --> 00:23:52,662
I was very unhappy
In my marriage.
452
00:23:52,732 --> 00:23:54,664
I was saying things
And doing things
453
00:23:54,734 --> 00:23:57,467
That my mother
Used to say and do to me.
454
00:23:57,537 --> 00:24:00,103
So you ran away.
455
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:02,372
If I stayed
It would have gotten worse.
456
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:05,108
I would have hurt brooke more,
Damaged her more.
457
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:06,444
Don't you see?
458
00:24:06,512 --> 00:24:09,447
That's what you're doing now,
Hurting her.
459
00:24:09,515 --> 00:24:12,716
You can go back.
You can always correct mistakes.
460
00:24:14,286 --> 00:24:16,319
Brooke talks about you
All the time.
461
00:24:16,388 --> 00:24:19,222
Girls our age need
Their moms, you know?
462
00:24:23,863 --> 00:24:24,995
Tell me, sam.
463
00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:27,364
Is she happy?
464
00:24:29,234 --> 00:24:30,801
I suppose.
465
00:24:30,870 --> 00:24:32,470
But I think,
466
00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:35,839
Like me, this whole
Jumbled family thing's
467
00:24:35,908 --> 00:24:37,741
Got her a little disoriented.
468
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,748
Sounds like she really needs
Someone to help her.
469
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,683
Yeah.
470
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,562
[man] Hi, darling.
Hi.
471
00:25:01,701 --> 00:25:03,366
Congratulations
On a spectacular opening
472
00:25:03,435 --> 00:25:05,769
And an even better
Evening to be.
473
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,104
Hi.
474
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,339
Hi.
475
00:25:09,408 --> 00:25:11,174
I'm sam mcpherson. I'm...
476
00:25:11,243 --> 00:25:12,776
A photo student from berkeley.
477
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:14,978
I'm assisting her
With some research.
478
00:25:15,047 --> 00:25:16,446
This is my husband, barton.
479
00:25:16,516 --> 00:25:17,647
How nice.
480
00:25:17,717 --> 00:25:20,651
Yeah. We were
Just finishing up.
481
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,886
Why don't I meet you
At the restaurant.
482
00:25:22,955 --> 00:25:25,022
All right, darling.
Pleasure.
483
00:25:25,090 --> 00:25:26,523
Bye.
484
00:25:31,763 --> 00:25:35,498
Wow, your new husband has no
Idea you even have a daughter,
485
00:25:35,568 --> 00:25:37,467
Does he?
486
00:25:42,574 --> 00:25:44,708
Yep, it's legit.
487
00:25:44,777 --> 00:25:46,810
And this should cover the cover.
488
00:25:46,879 --> 00:25:48,578
But I still can't let you in.
489
00:25:48,648 --> 00:25:51,015
Man, that ain't right!
490
00:25:51,083 --> 00:25:54,317
I can't help you. I didn't think
You'd actually get your dad.
491
00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:57,521
Man, can't a brother
Get a what-what up in here?
492
00:25:57,590 --> 00:25:58,856
Sorry, sug.
493
00:25:58,924 --> 00:26:01,225
Yo, man, it ain't happening.
494
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,397
What are you lookin' at me for?
495
00:26:07,466 --> 00:26:10,567
Come on, harrison,
I've seen you in class.
You're a thinker.
496
00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:12,836
Figure something out.
An impassioned defense.
497
00:26:12,905 --> 00:26:15,005
Need to see those
Breasts and thighs, captain.
498
00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:19,309
Hey... Man.
499
00:26:19,378 --> 00:26:22,079
Um... We upheld
Our end of the bargain.
500
00:26:22,147 --> 00:26:24,848
Now I think
It's your turn.
Hmm.
501
00:26:24,917 --> 00:26:27,918
Have you forgotten
What it's like to be young?
502
00:26:27,987 --> 00:26:30,120
Show us some mercy, man.
503
00:26:30,189 --> 00:26:31,855
Look at us.
504
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:35,392
A virgin with no chance
Of satisfaction
505
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:38,028
Until virtual reality technology
Can be perfected.
506
00:26:38,097 --> 00:26:39,529
A simpleton
507
00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:41,098
Who simply wants one
508
00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:42,866
Sweet taste of forbidden fruit
509
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:44,802
And a three-piece combo.
510
00:26:44,870 --> 00:26:48,305
Another simpleton who really is
Only here for the chicken.
511
00:26:48,373 --> 00:26:51,609
And a 40-year-old man about to
Embark on his second marriage,
512
00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:54,378
Whose life is so pitiful,
His bachelor party's
513
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:57,648
Being thrown by a bunch
Of 16-year-olds he barely knows.
514
00:26:57,717 --> 00:27:00,117
Hey, do I smell honey mustard?
515
00:27:00,185 --> 00:27:01,218
You see?
516
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:03,320
Now, the way I see it,
517
00:27:03,388 --> 00:27:05,488
There's two kinds of teenagers.
518
00:27:05,557 --> 00:27:06,589
The ordinary
519
00:27:06,658 --> 00:27:07,657
And the extraordinary.
520
00:27:07,727 --> 00:27:08,959
The ordinary by now
521
00:27:09,028 --> 00:27:11,895
Is at home in bed watching
Christina aguilera videos.
522
00:27:11,964 --> 00:27:15,398
The extraordinary
Takes what is rightfully his
523
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:16,634
Without fear of recrimination.
524
00:27:16,702 --> 00:27:19,602
Now I, being
An extraordinary teen male,
525
00:27:19,671 --> 00:27:22,506
Pity the individual
Who tries and stops me.
526
00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:24,474
Whoa!
527
00:27:24,543 --> 00:27:27,244
You really scare me,
So step on in there.
528
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:28,646
Before somebody
Sees you, huh?
529
00:27:28,714 --> 00:27:29,947
This way, mr. Mcqueen.
530
00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:33,750
Thank you.
531
00:27:33,818 --> 00:27:34,918
Jane.
532
00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:36,253
Sam just got here,
533
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:38,789
But I don't think
She's feeling very well.
534
00:27:38,858 --> 00:27:40,557
Oh, how did I miss her?
535
00:27:40,625 --> 00:27:43,160
You were in the other room.
Serving hors d'oeuvres.
536
00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:46,263
Oh. Well, where is she?
Is she all right?
537
00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:50,267
Sam, honey?
538
00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:52,369
Are you okay?
539
00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:54,872
[sam's voice] No.
540
00:27:57,376 --> 00:27:58,308
Sam?
541
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:02,279
I don't feel good.
542
00:28:02,347 --> 00:28:04,314
Is it serious?
Should I call dr. Michaels?
543
00:28:05,718 --> 00:28:09,853
Or are you still mad, and this
Is your way of making me pay?
544
00:28:09,922 --> 00:28:10,888
no.
545
00:28:12,124 --> 00:28:14,825
Then I'd like you to
Come down to the shower.
546
00:28:14,894 --> 00:28:16,493
no.
547
00:28:17,997 --> 00:28:19,329
I don't feel good.
548
00:28:19,398 --> 00:28:21,899
My stomach hurts
From all this tension
549
00:28:21,967 --> 00:28:23,667
And thoughts of man vests.
550
00:28:23,736 --> 00:28:26,503
I thought you said
That it wasn't serious.
551
00:28:30,609 --> 00:28:32,309
yes.
552
00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:34,677
Which is it? Are you
Seriously ill or not?
553
00:28:37,583 --> 00:28:40,884
I don't feel good about how
the glamazons use school funds.
554
00:28:40,953 --> 00:28:43,653
we should...
Sam.
555
00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:46,090
What's going on?
556
00:28:46,158 --> 00:28:47,657
I'm coming in.
557
00:28:51,997 --> 00:28:53,964
I've got a key.
558
00:29:06,478 --> 00:29:09,012
All right young la...
[shower running]
559
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:12,015
Young lady, I understand
That you are still mad at me,
560
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:14,517
But this is getting to be
Downright disrespectful.
561
00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:17,821
Now get dried off and
Be downstairs in five minutes.
562
00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:21,891
I'm tired of this, sam.
563
00:29:27,699 --> 00:29:29,766
Oh...
564
00:29:36,776 --> 00:29:39,977
♪♪ [dance music]
565
00:30:00,565 --> 00:30:04,334
Are you guys gonna tell me
Where we are anytime soon?
566
00:30:10,242 --> 00:30:12,675
[man] Ow! Baby!
567
00:30:14,847 --> 00:30:16,880
[man] Whoo!
568
00:30:20,085 --> 00:30:21,084
What?
569
00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:22,619
Shut up.
He may hear you!
570
00:30:22,687 --> 00:30:25,855
[troy]
gentlemen, caesar croutons
571
00:30:25,924 --> 00:30:27,424
is proud to present tonight's
572
00:30:27,492 --> 00:30:29,492
Main event.
573
00:30:29,561 --> 00:30:30,693
Remember, tip generously.
574
00:30:30,762 --> 00:30:32,930
These women do work hard.
575
00:30:32,998 --> 00:30:35,098
On center stage,
Put your hands together
576
00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:39,102
For a trio of naughty amateurs.
577
00:30:41,907 --> 00:30:42,872
Whoo!
578
00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:44,508
Please, welcome to the stage
579
00:30:44,576 --> 00:30:48,145
Miss erika estrada.
580
00:30:48,213 --> 00:30:49,446
[siren blaring]
581
00:30:49,514 --> 00:30:51,781
Mother of god, help me.
582
00:30:51,851 --> 00:30:53,683
I think I might go blind.
583
00:30:53,752 --> 00:30:56,053
[troy]
miss lola.
584
00:30:56,121 --> 00:30:59,356
and miss brooke mcqueen.
585
00:30:59,424 --> 00:31:01,191
- hell...
- ladies,
586
00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:03,326
give it up for the mens.
587
00:31:03,395 --> 00:31:04,794
Thank you!
588
00:31:05,898 --> 00:31:07,164
[man]
All right!
589
00:31:07,232 --> 00:31:08,731
Whoo!
Yeah, baby!
590
00:31:09,902 --> 00:31:11,000
All right! Whoo!
591
00:31:24,649 --> 00:31:25,582
[moaning]
592
00:31:28,053 --> 00:31:29,018
[mary]
Mama cherry,
593
00:31:29,087 --> 00:31:31,288
You just try and deny this.
594
00:31:31,356 --> 00:31:32,922
Troy's getting it all
595
00:31:32,992 --> 00:31:36,793
On tape, and I'm sending it
To melissa rivers at e!
596
00:31:39,331 --> 00:31:41,664
[man]
Smokin!
Whoa!
597
00:31:43,135 --> 00:31:44,167
Oh, no, no, no.
598
00:31:45,604 --> 00:31:48,205
That's it! This is absurd.
What are you doin', man?
599
00:31:48,273 --> 00:31:51,841
- I am covering that girl.
- you can't touch the girls.
600
00:31:51,911 --> 00:31:55,345
That costs extra.
That's like havin' slaw with
Your chicken. Now sit down!
601
00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:58,181
- make it stop, please.
- these chickens fresh?
602
00:31:58,250 --> 00:32:01,218
Yes, yes.
They're underage.
603
00:32:01,286 --> 00:32:03,653
Thought so.
I'm an undercover cop.
604
00:32:03,722 --> 00:32:05,655
This is a bust.
605
00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,930
[sighs]
606
00:32:13,998 --> 00:32:15,299
Um, excuse me.
607
00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:16,799
Sam should be down
Momentarily
608
00:32:16,868 --> 00:32:18,668
For the opening
Of the presents.
609
00:32:18,737 --> 00:32:20,703
Thank you so much
For your patience.
610
00:32:25,910 --> 00:32:27,310
Um, jane,
Sam insists that
611
00:32:27,379 --> 00:32:29,646
She's not feeling
Well enough to come down.
612
00:32:29,714 --> 00:32:31,981
So let's just barge ahead
With the gifts
613
00:32:32,050 --> 00:32:34,351
And see if you got
Edible panties.
614
00:32:34,419 --> 00:32:36,986
That is not acceptable, brooke.
615
00:32:37,056 --> 00:32:38,421
Where is she?
616
00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:40,923
Sam really can't make it.
I swear.
617
00:32:40,992 --> 00:32:43,627
- did you see her upstairs?
- uh...
618
00:32:45,230 --> 00:32:47,096
Yeah.
619
00:32:47,166 --> 00:32:49,699
Were all her limbs intact?
620
00:32:49,768 --> 00:32:52,602
Dear god, I hope so.
I want you to
621
00:32:52,671 --> 00:32:54,971
March up there
And bring her down now.
622
00:32:55,039 --> 00:32:56,606
I can't do that.
623
00:32:56,675 --> 00:32:57,774
Why not?
624
00:32:57,842 --> 00:32:59,076
Oh, um...
625
00:33:00,579 --> 00:33:02,379
Because...
626
00:33:02,447 --> 00:33:03,480
Spit it out, carmen.
627
00:33:05,684 --> 00:33:06,616
Oh!
628
00:33:10,122 --> 00:33:11,220
Oh...
629
00:33:16,228 --> 00:33:18,228
Sam's been kidnapped.
630
00:33:20,899 --> 00:33:22,932
Sorry.
631
00:33:32,444 --> 00:33:33,710
Shouldn't you be going?
632
00:33:33,779 --> 00:33:36,846
Don't want your dinner
To get cold.
633
00:33:36,915 --> 00:33:38,515
Right.
634
00:33:40,051 --> 00:33:41,751
She's very beautiful.
635
00:33:41,820 --> 00:33:44,721
She would love
To hear you say that.
636
00:33:46,125 --> 00:33:48,958
You think about her
Every day, don't you?
637
00:33:52,164 --> 00:33:54,898
When a person's
Done something like I have,
638
00:33:57,168 --> 00:34:01,304
The only way they can live with
It is pretend it didn't happen.
639
00:34:03,675 --> 00:34:05,875
But you remember
The small things.
640
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:10,914
And that's the punishment.
That's the prison.
641
00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:12,749
Like what?
642
00:34:12,817 --> 00:34:15,752
How she laughed
When she played and...
643
00:34:17,756 --> 00:34:20,357
The way her skin smelled
When I held her.
644
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,294
You don't have to
Give all those things up.
645
00:34:24,363 --> 00:34:25,895
I'm sorry,
But going back
646
00:34:25,964 --> 00:34:28,097
Is not an option for me.
647
00:34:29,301 --> 00:34:31,067
It is for you, though.
648
00:34:32,804 --> 00:34:35,138
You're lucky, sam.
649
00:34:35,207 --> 00:34:37,874
You still have time to...
650
00:34:37,943 --> 00:34:39,209
Undo your mistakes.
651
00:34:40,845 --> 00:34:42,345
Yeah.
652
00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:45,415
Here.
653
00:34:45,484 --> 00:34:47,917
Thanks for
Introducing her to me.
654
00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:50,920
You can keep it.
655
00:34:53,292 --> 00:34:54,891
I'd like that.
656
00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:58,095
But only if you take
Something with you.
657
00:35:13,912 --> 00:35:14,878
Thank you.
658
00:35:21,085 --> 00:35:23,220
Well, I should go.
659
00:35:48,780 --> 00:35:50,647
You'd better not say
Anything about this,
660
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:53,015
Or I'll see that
Every one of you burns
661
00:35:53,084 --> 00:35:55,685
In the hell pit of my wrath
For all eternity.
662
00:35:55,754 --> 00:35:59,322
Shut up! Teen deviants.
This is serious business.
663
00:35:59,391 --> 00:36:01,991
Underage girls stripping.
664
00:36:02,060 --> 00:36:04,727
Underage boys watching the
Stripping and eating bad slaw.
665
00:36:04,796 --> 00:36:07,364
It's an outrage
To the community.
666
00:36:07,432 --> 00:36:08,631
Officer friendly, is it?
667
00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:10,199
Jerome friendly.
668
00:36:10,269 --> 00:36:12,402
Thanks for asking.
Pedophile.
669
00:36:12,471 --> 00:36:13,536
I'm not a pedophile.
670
00:36:13,605 --> 00:36:15,472
There has been
A huge mistake here.
671
00:36:15,540 --> 00:36:17,040
There has,
672
00:36:17,108 --> 00:36:21,243
Officer friendly,
And I am totally to blame.
673
00:36:21,313 --> 00:36:23,280
I am a responsible,
Extraordinary teen,
674
00:36:23,348 --> 00:36:26,550
And I blindfolded mr. Mcqueen
And made him come here.
675
00:36:26,618 --> 00:36:29,352
Okay. What about the girls?
676
00:36:29,421 --> 00:36:31,654
Oh. They're just whores?
677
00:36:31,723 --> 00:36:33,390
[mike] Fine.
678
00:36:33,458 --> 00:36:36,226
Fine. Arrest me
For my crimes.
679
00:36:36,295 --> 00:36:38,495
I should have known.
I should have stopped this
680
00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:40,930
As soon as I smelled
The rancid slaw.
681
00:36:40,999 --> 00:36:42,599
Come on, rob lowe wannabe.
682
00:36:42,667 --> 00:36:44,467
You're off to the big house.
683
00:36:47,439 --> 00:36:48,505
Behind your back.
684
00:36:48,574 --> 00:36:50,039
[handcuffs click]
685
00:36:50,108 --> 00:36:52,475
Let's go.
686
00:36:54,879 --> 00:36:57,680
But we were just here
For the chicken.
687
00:36:59,318 --> 00:37:01,884
Thank you for a lovely
Bridal shower, girls.
688
00:37:01,953 --> 00:37:03,286
[lily]
We're really sorry.
689
00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:04,787
You should be.
690
00:37:04,856 --> 00:37:07,690
I'm sorry. I thought
I was helping her.
691
00:37:07,759 --> 00:37:10,059
Spare me the rationalizations.
You were helping yourself.
692
00:37:10,128 --> 00:37:12,028
This is dangerous stuff.
It was stupid.
693
00:37:12,096 --> 00:37:13,363
It's just the lies.
694
00:37:13,432 --> 00:37:18,134
They ran away from me
And they kind of snowballed.
695
00:37:18,202 --> 00:37:19,936
I should be grounded.
696
00:37:20,004 --> 00:37:21,604
Ms. Mcpherson,
It's after midnight.
697
00:37:21,673 --> 00:37:24,306
You can call the police
And report sam missing now.
698
00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:26,375
What kind of world do we live in
699
00:37:26,445 --> 00:37:29,011
Where you have to wait to report
A child's disappearance?
700
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:30,380
Yes, yes, I will hold.
701
00:37:30,449 --> 00:37:32,114
What other choice do I have?
702
00:37:32,183 --> 00:37:34,116
Brooke, will you do me a favor?
703
00:37:34,185 --> 00:37:36,586
Don't ever
Lie to me again.
704
00:37:36,655 --> 00:37:38,121
I know.
I'm sorry.
705
00:37:38,189 --> 00:37:39,822
That is not gonna cut it.
706
00:37:39,891 --> 00:37:42,825
You are in very big trouble,
And when mike gets home...
707
00:37:42,894 --> 00:37:45,628
[harrison] Ms. Mcpherson,
About mr. Mcqueen...
708
00:37:45,697 --> 00:37:48,130
Well, he's sort of...
709
00:37:48,199 --> 00:37:50,332
[emory]
He's downtown.
710
00:37:50,401 --> 00:37:53,636
At the precinct, ms. Mcpherson,
Cooling his heels in the tank.
711
00:37:53,705 --> 00:37:55,438
We... We got busted.
712
00:37:55,507 --> 00:37:56,839
What are you talking about?
713
00:37:56,908 --> 00:37:59,909
Well, brooke thought
It would be fun to take him out.
714
00:37:59,978 --> 00:38:02,512
You know, for a bachelor party.
715
00:38:02,581 --> 00:38:04,246
[brooke]
Oh, my god.
716
00:38:04,316 --> 00:38:07,116
I am raskolnikov.
717
00:38:07,185 --> 00:38:09,318
And we were
At this strip club,
718
00:38:09,387 --> 00:38:12,789
And, uh, things got out of hand
With some whores.
719
00:38:12,857 --> 00:38:15,858
- what?
- we all chipped in...
720
00:38:15,927 --> 00:38:17,026
For bail money.
721
00:38:17,095 --> 00:38:19,696
- and some white meat.
- mmm.
722
00:38:19,764 --> 00:38:21,363
How the hell did this happen?
723
00:38:23,234 --> 00:38:24,601
Um...
Hey, guys.
724
00:38:24,669 --> 00:38:26,302
[sam]
What's goin' on?
725
00:38:27,906 --> 00:38:29,138
Sam.
726
00:38:30,375 --> 00:38:31,908
Are you all right?
727
00:38:31,977 --> 00:38:33,142
Yeah, mom, I'm fine.
728
00:38:33,211 --> 00:38:35,211
Really, I'm fine.
Oh, good.
729
00:38:35,279 --> 00:38:37,981
Because I am
Going to kill you!
730
00:38:46,391 --> 00:38:48,625
So where'd you go?
731
00:38:48,693 --> 00:38:50,493
Mm. Nowhere really.
732
00:38:50,562 --> 00:38:52,562
Just trying
To figure some things out.
733
00:38:54,866 --> 00:38:56,498
I feel horrible.
734
00:38:56,568 --> 00:38:59,235
I know, but at least
By using all the money
735
00:38:59,304 --> 00:39:01,438
Set aside for the wedding
And the honeymoon,
736
00:39:01,506 --> 00:39:04,173
Mom was able to bail mike
Out of county lockup.
737
00:39:04,242 --> 00:39:05,342
How great is it
738
00:39:05,410 --> 00:39:07,444
That cherry cherry,
When she heard what happened,
739
00:39:07,512 --> 00:39:11,714
Offered to pay for everything,
As long as it could be
A double wedding.
740
00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:15,485
Thus sort of eradicating us
Of our crimes.
741
00:39:15,554 --> 00:39:17,887
Although,
Why she did it
742
00:39:17,956 --> 00:39:21,057
Makes absolutely
No sense to me at all.
743
00:39:21,125 --> 00:39:23,660
She did it because she's
Embarrassed of mary cherry.
744
00:39:23,728 --> 00:39:25,728
She figures, maybe,
In a large setting,
745
00:39:25,797 --> 00:39:27,930
No one will notice
It's her daughter.
746
00:39:29,300 --> 00:39:32,468
Even though mary cherry's
Psychotic, I feel for her.
747
00:39:33,572 --> 00:39:35,372
At least she has a mother.
748
00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:42,845
So do you, brooke.
749
00:39:47,285 --> 00:39:48,885
Her name's jane mcpherson.
750
00:39:48,954 --> 00:39:51,354
Soon to be mcqueen.
751
00:39:51,423 --> 00:39:54,290
And she loves you very much.
752
00:39:56,661 --> 00:39:59,395
I know I haven't been
753
00:39:59,463 --> 00:40:02,231
Too good at sharing
Up until this point.
754
00:40:04,202 --> 00:40:06,135
But I'd like to start trying.
755
00:40:08,673 --> 00:40:10,339
I'd like that.
756
00:40:16,314 --> 00:40:17,714
I never...
757
00:40:18,850 --> 00:40:20,784
Thought I'd say this.
758
00:40:22,987 --> 00:40:25,054
But I'm really glad
That you're back.
759
00:40:41,339 --> 00:40:42,605
Mom.
760
00:40:43,909 --> 00:40:45,842
I know
I'm not supposed to
761
00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:47,910
Leave my room
Until after prom,
762
00:40:47,979 --> 00:40:50,279
But I wanted
To give you my present.
763
00:40:56,054 --> 00:40:58,888
And say I am so sorry.
764
00:41:00,759 --> 00:41:03,392
I know I put you through hell.
765
00:41:05,163 --> 00:41:09,131
I was just afraid this wedding
766
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:12,869
And bringing mike and
Brooke into the family
Would break us apart.
767
00:41:15,106 --> 00:41:19,008
The past few months, I've been
Feeling like I'm losing you.
768
00:41:24,082 --> 00:41:25,414
You're not.
769
00:41:26,885 --> 00:41:28,384
I know this is strange
770
00:41:28,452 --> 00:41:31,287
And scary and you probably have
771
00:41:31,355 --> 00:41:33,389
All these intense feelings
Going through you,
772
00:41:33,457 --> 00:41:35,557
But...
773
00:41:35,627 --> 00:41:38,861
Brooke and mike
Won't break us apart.
774
00:41:38,930 --> 00:41:39,963
Nothin' will.
775
00:41:40,031 --> 00:41:42,064
Ever.
776
00:41:43,234 --> 00:41:45,001
We're a team, no matter what.
777
00:41:49,107 --> 00:41:50,172
Sam.
778
00:41:51,275 --> 00:41:52,809
Oh.
779
00:41:54,112 --> 00:41:55,645
[sniffles]
780
00:41:55,714 --> 00:41:57,847
That's all the present I need.
781
00:41:57,916 --> 00:42:00,750
But, you know, since you
Did go to the trouble...
782
00:42:00,819 --> 00:42:03,285
Just go ahead. Open it.
[laughs]
783
00:42:13,297 --> 00:42:14,997
[gasps]
784
00:42:15,066 --> 00:42:17,466
Oh, sam.
785
00:42:20,839 --> 00:42:22,438
Oh, sam, that's beautiful.
786
00:42:22,506 --> 00:42:24,306
Thank you.
787
00:42:48,499 --> 00:42:52,068
♪ to bend and not to break ♪
788
00:42:52,136 --> 00:42:55,838
♪ chin up, try not to quake ♪
789
00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:59,341
♪ I'm grinning on the outside ♪
790
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:03,279
♪ but I'm a wreck internally ♪
791
00:43:05,349 --> 00:43:08,817
♪ ooh, la la la la ♪
792
00:43:12,791 --> 00:43:16,759
♪ ooh, la la la la ♪